If you have ever been in a session with me, there is a good chance you’ve heard me talk about mindfulness at some point. Many people come into therapy because they have been feeling anxious, depressed, or experiencing out of control emotions. These feelings can at times be so overwhelming that you might find it hard to fully be in the moment or even to enjoy the small pleasures throughout the day. When you find yourself in this place, it might even feel like you’re living on autopilot. Each day looks the same with no end in sight. If you can relate to any of the issues I described, it might be time for you to turn your attention toward mindfulness.

This is Not Your Parents’ Mindfulness

When I first ask somebody about what it means to be mindful, the most common response involves lessons taught to them by their parents or teachers growing up such as,  “giving respect to others” or “thinking before you do something.” While both of these statements might sometimes incorporate aspects of mindfulness, the term in psychology is not the same as mindfulness in our social world. The mindfulness I speak of is not like your parents’ or elders’ version of mindfulness. Rather, it is a more expansive term incorporating self-awareness and awareness of one’s environment.

It’s About Awareness in the Present Moment

Mindfulness is in some ways straightforward. It is the act of bringing awareness of yourself and your environment into the present moment without any judgment. When you practice mindfulness, you might be focusing on your body, emotions, thoughts, or surroundings. You might be using a skill that involves focusing on one thing in the present moment, such as every physical sensation you feel in your chest. You might also be practicing a more expansive mindfulness, such as noticing your surroundings with all five of your senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch). 

If you think of mindfulness as an analogy to flying, you are essentially turning your mind off of autopilot and steering the plane directly. You are using your awareness to see the weather patterns outside. Feeling the controls of the plan in your hand as you push each button or move each lever slightly. You are observing what is happening with intention.

Why Is Mindfulness So Hard?

When I first introduce mindfulness to most people, they often report that focusing on mindfulness is either too difficult or too boring. It can be especially difficult for people who have lived with certain conditions, such as trauma, depression, anxiety, or borderline personality disorder. This also makes a lot of sense. If I were in the heat of anger or the depth of despair, and somebody told me that stopping to think about my body for a few minutes would make me feel better, I would probably think they were crazy. If they told me to do this without judging the person who hurt me or the embarrassing thing that I did, it would start to feel impossible. 

Even for someone who isn’t living with a mental health condition, mindfulness can be difficult. We are living in an increasingly fast-paced digital society. Our interconnected world can bring advantages such as better convenience and more access to choice in our daily lives. However, one of the pitfalls of having so much choice is that it’s easy to avoid situations that make us feel uncomfortable. Avoidance might feel good in the moment, but the more we avoid uncomfortable situations, the more difficult it becomes to manage dysregulated emotions in the long run.

What Can Mindfulness Do For Me?

Practicing mindfulness regularly can provide benefits to your overall mental health and emotional understanding. By bringing awareness to the physical sensation in your body, you can more easily be in tune with the emotions you are experiencing. This in turn allows you to more effectively regulate your own feelings. Mindfulness also has the capacity to decrease your sense of suffering while increasing your sense of joy. For example, if you were focusing your attention on what is happening with your body and your environment right now, you won’t have as much space in your mind for your worry about messing up that job interview coming next week. 

Even practicing mindfulness while you’re on vacation can help improve your time away from home. Have you ever had that experience of being on a trip or a long weekend and you start noticing your thoughts wander to the number of hours counting down until you return back to the grind of your hectic work or home life? Or how much unpacking, cleaning, and organizing you have to do when you get home? Those are all normal experiences. Yet wouldn’t your vacation be that much greater if you were able to put that out of your mind? 

On the flip side, practicing mindfulness during times of high conflict can also help you access your wise mind for more effective problem-solving and better regulation of your emotions. However, improving your mental health with mindfulness is not going to fix everything overnight. It’s also not going to be the most effective to start practicing in the heat of an argument. It requires consistent practice to be effective in the long term.

How to Start Practicing Mindfulness

I hope that by now you’ve begun to see how the practice of mindfulness can benefit you in different areas of your life. However, if you’ve never practiced before, you’re probably wondering where to start. Or you might be thinking, “Nick, I’ve tried this before, and it didn’t work!” I’m here to tell you that whether you’ve tried some form of mindfulness or meditation before, or whether this concept is brand new to you, there is hope!

Being present in the moment without judgment is usually a lot easier said than done, and it takes some practice to do. Today, I’ll start you off with a few simple skills to begin grounding your practice in mindfulness. As you’ll see, it doesn’t have to involve sitting cross legged on a pillow and sitting in silence for an hour like you might in a traditional meditation class.

1. Mindful Observation of the Body

• The first tip is an easy, two minute practice to get yourself comfortable practicing body awareness. I usually recommend when you start to find a comfortable space to sit with as few distractions as possible. 
• After that, try and set yourself a two minute timer to help avoid looking repeatedly at your clock or watch. 
• Once you’re all set, you are going to choose one part of your body (hands, feet, chest, etc. and simply observe the physical feelings in that part of your body. You can keep your eyes open or closed for this activity. You might even try doing it once each way to see how different each feels.
• As you’re doing the exercise, notice all the sensations you feel in that part of your body. Keep your mind on that same part of your body for the entire time. 
• If you start to notice your mind drift off, it’s okay! This is a natural response, so there’s no need to judge yourself for not being focused enough. Just notice that you had another thought and then bring your mind back to the last thing you remember observing.
• Then…that’s it! You’ve practiced a little bit of mindfulness! At the end of the exercise, I usually recommend taking a moment just to reflect on what you noticed about your physical experience; then consider how easy or difficult it was to focus on a scale from 1 – 10. Most people notice that after a few weeks of practicing some different mindfulness strategies, it gets easier. Remember though, it’s never going to be perfect. If you find yourself getting frustrated or telling yourself it’s never going to work or that you’re not good enough, just notice you had a judgment and come back to it again. If you notice you thought that 5 times during the exercise, observe your thought/judgment and come back 5 times. The fact that you came back at all might be the best accomplishment of the day, and it’s still an accomplishment! Many, many people start this way.
• Once you get used to this activity, you’ll notice you can do it in more contexts: inside, outside, eyes open, eyes closed, alone, or around people. I usually just recommend a quiet environment in the beginning because many people find themselves easily distracted.

2. Counting Down With 5 Senses

• Again, find a place to sit comfortably. This time, it might actually help to be immersed in a more active environment, so you don’t need to worry so much about being in a quiet space.
• Start by bringing your attention to your eyes, and notice and name aloud or think to yourself about 5 things you can see in your immediate surroundings.
• Next, bring your attention to your ears, and name 4 things that you can hear around you.
• Then bring your attention to your hands and the rest of your body, and name 3 things you can physically feel.
• Bring your attention now to your nose and notice 2 things that you can smell.
• Finally, bring your attention to your mouth and notice 1 thing you can taste.
• This exercise is also a great way to practice fully immersing yourself into something that you’re doing. For example, if you love to cook–or if you love someone who cooks–then you can give yourself a moment while cooking to fully immerse all of your senses into the experience.

3. Variation on both activities: Go Somewhere and Practice!

• I am an easily distractible person, so I love doing things that are a bit more active or immersive. In this one, I recommend doing the second (or even first) activity in a public place you like to go. If you live somewhere in or around Los Alamitos, you know there are a lot of great public parks and other communal spaces nearby. 
• For example, you might go to Rossmore Park and observe the sensation of sitting on one of their benches, smelling the scent of the grass, hearing the sound of the trees and birds, see the tennis courts, and taste the crisp air in the morning.
• You might find yourself going out to Seal Beach Pier or to Veterans Pier in Long Beach and feel the sensation of the breeze on your skin, smell the saltiness of the ocean air, see the people riding by on their bikes, hear the waves crashing on the shore, and again, taste the saltiness in the air.
• You can even go somewhere very active to try it out, such as the Cerritos Mall. There, you might hear the sounds of shoppers walking and talking, see the colors and fonts of the lights on the store signs, smell the aroma of Wetzel’s Pretzels, feel the sensation of taking each step on the tile floor, and taste the remainder of the snack you bought earlier.
• You might notice that all of these options are ones you can potentially do for free, without paying for a cent. And once you’re comfortable enough, you can do any of these mindful exercises anywhere you go.

A Note on Negative Self-Talk

Many people starting out with mindfulness practice notice that they experience negative self-talk or even judgments about themselves, others, or certain events that happened to them. If you notice you’re having thoughts like, “I can’t do this,” or “this is stupid,” or even “this is never going to work,” that’s okay and a normal experience. You might also find your mind wandering to entirely different topics that are on your mind. Something that has helped me is to simply observe that thought and think or say to myself “I just had a judgment,” or “I noticed my mind go somewhere else,” before gently turning my attention back to the last mindful thing I remember observing. Keep practicing this way, and you will find yourself getting more attuned to mindfulness before long.

The Takeaway

As you can see, mindfulness is a practice that takes a little bit of time and effort. However, as you become accustomed to it, you will start to realize that not only does it get easier, but it has the potential to bring more pleasure into your life. Mindfulness also brings with it the possibility of becoming more in tune with yourself, your needs, and the world around you. But remember, if you find yourself distracted or having difficulty in the beginning, don’t give up! The payoff is worth the practice. 

For more ways to improve your mental health, I encourage you to seek further guidance from your therapist or someone with expertise in mindfulness practice. If you are searching for a therapist, I invite you to Contact Me today and schedule a free 15-minute consultation.